Damn, I’ve been one busy little bastard. I’ve actually gotten a few e-mails asking why I haven’t updated at all lately. Shocked the hell out of me, because I didn’t think anybody read this drivel. Maybe some of the 200+ hits I’ve gotten weren’t just my friends hitting "reload" to fuck with my head.

A little tangential, but to address some reader mail: No, I will not put up an MP3 of me playing something on the guitar. People I know come to this page, and I’ve got this weird thing against playing for people I know. I’ve played with a friend’s band for people I DON’T know, and that wasn’t uncomfortable. I’m just a freak.

Yes, I do have a ferret. Yes, she does smell. No, I don’t have a picture to post. She doesn’t scan very well…

With that out of the way, let’s get back to my narcissistic ramblings. Since I last wrote anything, I’ve been locked in the basement of the Dana Science Building with a huge, high-power laser. The results of that are up on my Intermediate Lab page. Or, should I say, the results of the foray Phil and I had with said laser are up, as I am continuing to work with it for my final project.

Kinda cool, being in charge of the most powerful, most expensive laser on campus.

The end of this whole undergrad thing is closing in on me fast, and I’m totally worn out mentally. I don’t know where all my energy goes, probably to worrying and grinding my teeth in my sleep. I grew my goatee back and had to shave it because I didn’t even have the energy to maintain it. This weekend I also got rid of much of my hair. No picture yet, but suffice to say that it involved clippers.

It works out pretty well, I can wake up and go straight to class without having to shower or brush my hair. Pulling my shirt on over my head gets it all going roughly the same direction… Yay, lazy hair! There’s just something that feels out of place about taking a shower in the afternoon, though… I’ll get used to it.

Today yielded a very shitty feeling. If you’re ever looking for one, try this out: Get a call telling you that you’ve been selected for a FULL RIDE to medical school when you haven’t been accepted to any medical schools yet. Wait lists bite…

This is really fucked up. Going into all this, I was worried about how I would pay for medical school when I got in. Now I could pay for it, no problem, and I have no idea how the hell I’ll get in! Arrrrgggghhhhh…

I guess I’ll find a job and try again next year. Anybody know what the hell I could do? As my dad said, "You’re looking for something to do to support your habit of eating on a daily basis." My whole apartment is like this. We all don’t have anything to do after graduation, no jobs to head off to. There are other people in the same boat here in Davidsonland, but the difference between them and us is this: We don’t have any money! We can’t take a year and travel Europe on Daddy’s dime, we can’t go work for our family businesses, and we can’t live off our fiancé.

This sounds depressed, and I guess I am a little. I’m really feeling okay, actually. I wouldn’t say "good," but okay. Maybe I should publish this recipe; Combine apathy, uncertainty, a pinch of sick hope, and a dash of depression. Pan fry for six minutes. Makes one serving of "okay."

I need something new and exciting to jar me out of the groove I’ve been riding in lately. I suppose that will happen in a month when I graduate, if it hasn’t happened before that. After graduation maybe I’ll go out to my dad’s place in California, spend some time in different surroundings. Find a direction, re-centre myself, take another long drive down the PCH…

For now, though, I’m going to go to bed.

Push the damn button.

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