I thought my first rant on the web site should be about something vaguely web-related; so let’s talk WalMart for a minute. I’m seriously considering organizing a web page that calls us all to action against this fucking place. No, I don’t boycott the place or anything; I shop there all the time. I’m cheap, and their prices are pretty low on most of the stuff that I buy. However, their advertising practices have driven me to the point where I almost had a seizure in the store.

    Let’s check out our advertisements here, shall we? "Rolling back prices everyday." We know that one, don’t we, cats and kittens? How many of us have noticed that it is a BOLD FACED LIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? They say that they’re constantly lowering prices, and they put up these helpful little signs to tell us about it all over the store. "New low price! $XX.XX," or my favourite, the handy signs that stick out from the rack next to the price tag saying, "Was $XX.XX."

    These tags are very, very frequently bullshit. My examples are going to seem trivial, but that’s because they’re related to cheap stuff. I’m sure on more expensive items their lies are about more than a few cents; they’re about several dollars. The only example I can remember of a difference of several dollars is on a shelf stereo system, but I can’t remember the numbers. Add it all up around the store, though, and each one is probably lying about cutting you various deals totaling to several hundred bucks.

    I first noticed this fraudulent pricing policy in practice back when I was a freshman in college. My friend Greg and I would go to WallyWorld and buy flats of IBC Root Beer b/c it was only $1.97 a six-pack. After three months or so of this, we went in one day and saw a little tag jutting out from the shelf next to our old standard bottled beverage. "Was $2.18!" my hairy white ass! The price had not gone up and then jumped back down to a buck ninety-seven.

    This was the first time I really sat up and took notice of those little tags. Over the years I noticed them going up all over the store next to prices that had never been changed as I wandered about. By the way, the tag next to the IBC stayed there until they closed that WallyWorld and built a Super Center down the street. That was two and a half years during which time the price NEVER WAS $2.18, bastards…

  The principle here is the thing. They’re lying out of their money-hungry asses to make us think they’re cutting us a deal when it is all just a freaking marketing ploy. I’m pretty sure that deceptive tactics like this are not legal.

    Two weeks ago, I went to that Super Center to get some groceries. Now a senior, I have a kitchen in my apartment and prepare most of what I eat there. As such, a major staple of my diet is the Totino’s Party Pizza. Since the store opened, that WallyWorld had been selling these bad boys for $.97 apiece. Now, when I can make lunch for less than a buck, or dinner for $1.94, you bet your ass I’m going to be eating these things several days a week. B and I walked the isles dutifully picking up the other junk we needed, and then we hit the pizza freezers. B went in search of his pricey gourmet stuff, and I dove hungrily for the dirt-cheap cooler I knew and loved.

    There, in my face, mocking me and defaming my prized pizzas, was a "Was…" sign. That, my friends, was the last straw. No, goddamnit, no, a single Party Pizza was NEVER $1.38!!!!! Not only were they hitting me in the stomach with a crippling lie; they had actually hiked the price to $1.16! They raised the price and have the gonads to dare and tell me they are actually cutting me one of their famous rolled-back deals? Die, you fuckers, die! THAT IS MY LIFEBLOOD! You rat bastards, you have to pay for this shit now…

    I don’t know if anybody else is offended by these deceitful practices, but I’m getting sick of them. Should we get the whole world in on this and make our voices heard? Just one angry little bastard who wants his pizzas for less than a dollar may not make enough noise, but if we all join together… Oh, yes, our voices will be heard and this company will have to start taking its own claims of putting value first seriously.

    Stop lying to me, WalMart, and I’ll shut the fuck up. Keep on with this false "Rolling Back Prices" crap, and we just might see how much whoop-ass I’ve got stored up in my "legal action" can… I’ve got a whole shelf of these cans, too, so everybody else better tread gently. There’s no "Was" price tag next to them, either.

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